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The Younger and Wholesome Podcast. You’re listening to the Cincinnati Youngsters’s Younger and Wholesome Podcast.
Kate Setter
Good day and welcome again to the Cincinnati Youngsters’s Younger and Wholesome Podcast. I’m Kate Setter, your host for immediately. And becoming a member of me within the studio immediately is Ashley Cremins, who’s a repeat visitor. Thanks for being again with us, Ashley.
Ashley Cremeans
Thanks for having me once more.
Kate Setter
Completely. So Ashley is a social employee in our Meyerson Heart for Secure and Wholesome Youngsters right here at Cincinnati Youngsters’s. And she’s joined us earlier than to speak about associated topics, however immediately we’re actually going to dive into the subject of consent. We’re going to sort of go youthful children to middle-aged children to older children and sort of take a look at what’s consent, how can we give it, why is it essential, simply what do mother and father must know to assist their children perceive this idea of claiming sure in the event that they want to and no in the event that they received’t or in the event that they don’t. So Ashley, let’s begin sort of at the start. After we discuss consent, and youthful children. What does that imply and what’s sort of that start line, these constructing blocks of understanding it?
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah, and I feel it’s essential throughout all ages and stage on your children. The largest factor to recollect if you discuss consent is the objective is to empower your children to set boundaries and to respect the boundaries of different children. As mother and father, we’ve got to reply a whole lot of robust questions for our children. And when we’ve got these robust conversations, our objective is to construct a relationship with them in order that they know that they will belief us they usually can come to us to reply these robust questions and to maintain an excellent dialogue with them in order that throughout all ages, they know they will ask us these robust conversations. So once we take into consideration younger children, as quickly as they’re in a position to begin speaking, we need to begin figuring out physique elements and actually begin having these conversations with them. So we talked final yr about boundaries and actually speaking about respecting privateness and letting them know that they will have privateness with their physique and that they will go to their rooms and have privateness and instructing them that it’s okay to know their consolation ranges with their our bodies and saying no in the event that they’re uncomfortable with one thing. So in the event that they don’t like a hug or a kiss or a tickle, it’s okay to empower them to say no and to allow them to know that that’s their physique and that we have to be respectful of that and that we have to perceive that that’s okay and asking permission first. Is it okay that we do that? Is it okay that I provide you with a hug? Is it okay that I provide you with a tickle? That’s actually empowering for youths that they’ve the correct to say no to these issues. And additionally with relations or pals, it’s okay to say, no, I’m not okay with grandma or aunt or uncle giving these sorts of touches or issues like that. After which empowering them in, you recognize, function modeling and constructing in conversations of what various choices are for these sorts of touches if you’re not snug with hugs or kisses. or tickles. What a few excessive 5? Can we do this as a substitute? How a few fist bump? Would that be higher? In order that means we will sort of begin modeling these conversations with children. In order that means, if some type of contact feels uncomfortable, they know what various choices are. So, you recognize, when you don’t need grandma to provide you a kiss, you are able to do a fist bump as a substitute or a excessive 5. And so they really feel empowered to know what to say as a substitute. And additionally they know what to do if a contact feels uncomfortable, who they will go to and who they will inform if one thing makes them really feel uncomfortable. It doesn’t should be a contact that’s inappropriate. It may be a contact like a kiss, like I don’t really feel okay with that. After which they know who to inform if it makes them really feel uncomfortable. And it actually begins to construct their confidence and know that they will belief their instincts when one thing doesn’t really feel proper and who they will inform when it doesn’t really feel good.
Kate Setter
And we do have that dialog from final yr that we’ll hyperlink as properly if you wish to hear that full dialog about boundaries and what we talked about there. And so that’s an ideal grounding and sort of these youngest children, we construct that basis of belief, they know who to come back to if one thing, in the event that they don’t like one thing, they didn’t like a contact. What about children as they sort of transfer into adolescence? After which how can mother and father begin explaining what consent means sort of to these children in that age-appropriate means?
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah, so for adolescents, that’s when they’re actually beginning to construct these relationships with pals, with friends. That’s once we actually begin wanting to speak to them about conversations, how they’re constructing these relationships with them. So we’re shifting previous that like no means no and extra into the best way to have wholesome conversations and wholesome relationships with their friends. And that’s when peer strain actually begins to take an element too. So we need to discuss the best way to respect one another’s limits and desires. That’s when you possibly can actually begin to have conversations too about not making folks do issues that they don’t need to do. Does your good friend need to come over? Asking questions. In the event that they don’t need to come over, then respect the no. Does your good friend, if you’re out with a good friend, do they need to play basketball within the driveway? No. Okay, don’t make your good friend play basketball in the event that they don’t need to play basketball. In the event that they’re okay with one thing, then respect the sure or respect the no. So actually having these respectful conversations of sure and no. It additionally helps ensure there’s not misunderstandings between pals. I really feel like on this adolescent age, that’s when drama begins to occur as a result of there’s a whole lot of misunderstandings as a result of folks simply don’t have good, clear communication. So I really feel like with adolescents, we have to begin having these conversations of respecting one another and having good, clear boundaries. So what we talked about about with children about clear boundaries, we have to proceed to repeat. I don’t know if anyone, when you may have adolescence, I’ve a child in adolescence, it’s a dialog you should have usually and repeating it as a result of they don’t want to listen to it simply as soon as, they should hear it usually. And it’s ones the place you should be checking in with them. How had been issues with your pals immediately? Inform me about what you probably did immediately. What did you guys do if you frolicked? Did the whole lot go okay? Was there something that made you’re feeling uncomfortable? Like simply sort of checking in with them. That is when, you recognize, how Did you guys play video video games immediately? What did you guys do in your video video games? Like simply do common check-ins together with your children as a result of that is when these issues begin popping up. That is additionally the digital age. All people’s on their telephones, everyone’s taking part in video video games. So simply checking in that ensuring that there’s nothing that made them really feel like unsafe or uncomfortable in that adolescent age. That is when these issues begin to spring up that we will sort of begin to miss.
Kate Setter
Any recommendation for sort of these adolescent teenagers? I really feel like they do say sure generally, however there are some clues too that they, possibly that peer strain is a think about what they’re saying. Any like recommendations on the best way to acknowledge that like, okay, possibly they mentioned sure, however we must always comply with up. We should always make it possible for they really need to play basketball. They’re not simply saying sure as a result of they suppose you do.
Ashley Cremeans
I feel you possibly can sort of test in too, like, If you’re saying sure, like, did you say sure as a result of everyone else mentioned sure, however you didn’t actually need to say sure? Like, simply checking in, like, is there one thing alternatively that you simply want to do? Like, or is that this one thing that we will play for like slightly little bit of time after which there’s one thing else that you simply want to do as a substitute? So simply sort of possibly providing various options for youths. So I feel simply variety of providing choices is a good concept too. So I feel if you ask children, like, we might do that or we might do that, So giving a number of alternatives is a good concept too. In order that means children don’t really feel compelled decisions that they’ve to do that. So giving choices could be good for that adolescent age. I introduced up the digital factor. This teen, this adolescent age is when they’re all beginning to get telephones. So remembering to not share data that you simply get on telephones. I really feel like this group is all beginning to get cell telephones and they’re all beginning to textual content. So reminding children in this age to not share issues that you simply get in your telephones, to not share conversations. That digital privateness must be non-public too. I really feel like that’s the place a whole lot of consent must be shared and talked about as a result of that’s the place a whole lot of issues get skewed and youngsters don’t notice that what you discuss in telephones is additionally must be consent conversations. So that’s an excellent dialog to begin having with this age group as properly. as properly.
Kate Setter
Agree. I like that lots. So I need to shift gears once more now, sort of take that further step older to children who is likely to be beginning to have courting relationships. And I need to dig just a bit bit deeper round like strain and silence and feeling obligated. What are some widespread misunderstandings that teenagers have about consent in these areas which are slightly bit robust to navigate?
Ashley Cremeans
So Transferring from like adolescents to teenagers, consent, a whole lot of children don’t perceive that consent, there’s not a authorized definition of consent. What consent must be is a verbal sure. It’s non-negotiable. It’s a must to say sure. When you’re speaking about any sort of like, as we transfer into this, we’re shifting into the teenager years if you discuss sure, if you discuss consent, It’s voluntarily given. It can’t be compelled. There can’t be any threats. There will be no manipulation. It must be a verbal sure. And at any time, you possibly can change your thoughts. So when you don’t need to do one thing and also you’re doing issues otherwise you’re saying okay to one thing or saying sure to one thing, after which one thing occurs and you alter your thoughts and also you say no, instantly, no matter motion you’re doing stops since you’ve then withdrawn consent.
Kate Setter
So sure, thanks for sort of bridging us into the teenagers. And this feels just like the years the place we, such as you had been simply saying, we begin to discuss doing issues with others which are generally extra intimate in nature and actually love speaking by way of that you would be able to change your thoughts anytime. Are you able to discuss what consent will not be, together with the way it, can’t occur underneath the affect of medication and alcohol. What different conditions the place consent can not dwell?
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah, so consent undoubtedly can not occur underneath the affect of medication and alcohol. So if an individual is intoxicated or they’re asleep, consent can’t be given. So in the event that they’re drunk, in the event that they’re excessive, in the event that they’re handed out, Consent must be clear. It must be voluntarily given. If you’re impaired in these conditions, you can’t give clear consent with that particular person. They’ve to have the ability to clearly talk sure in a significant means. So in that scenario, you’re not no get together, one or the opposite. If one is impaired, they can’t clearly give consent. If each are impaired, they can not clearly give consent at that time. Consent will not be silent. In case you are sitting there and you’re not speaking, you’re not giving consent. In case you are saying, I suppose, or I’m undecided, that’s not consent. In case you are unsure and also you freeze within the second, That’s not consent. Should you sit there and also you go together with it, that’s not consent. It’s a transparent sure. It’s you verbalize and also you say sure. One of many issues I’ve teen boys, one of many issues I at all times say is that if you’re undecided, ask, like, are you okay with this? Is that this all proper with you? How do you’re feeling? Are you okay shifting ahead? Are we shifting too quick? Is this okay? In case you are unsure about the way you’re shifting ahead with the individual that you’re in a courting relationship with, or when you’re kissing, you’re holding arms, no matter you’re doing, when you’re not sure about how the individual that you’re with is feeling, ask the query. Prefer it’s at all times okay to cease and ask. And no level, like I know these conversations for fogeys are awkward. Under no circumstances is the objective of those conversations to provide permission on your children to have sexual relationships or something like that. The objective of those consent conversations is for cover, is to verify your children know that they’ve instruments to maintain themselves protected of their courting relationships and to make it possible for they’re wholesome and that they know to have safety and to be protected and to verify they’re protected of their courting relationships. The objective is for cover and for promotion. It’s to not like, it’s to not promote having intercourse. That’s not what consent conversations are for. It’s to make it possible for they really feel protected of their courting relationships.
Kate Setter
I really feel like so many issues with youngsters, the extra we discuss it, the extra they’ve these alternatives to have the phrases to make use of within the second when that comes out. up. And I like a few of these phrases that you’re giving us. What are issues that usually really feel sticky for youths, really feel troublesome to navigate in these areas?
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah, I imply, I feel a giant one is that youngsters which are in relationships which have had like sexual relationships with companions earlier than, After which possibly in a while, or a scenario pops up that they don’t need to have a sexual encounter, that one thing occurs they usually don’t need to have intercourse, and… they really feel obligated to or one thing occurred they usually didn’t need to have intercourse, that point doesn’t essentially imply that was a consensual encounter. Simply since you had intercourse as soon as earlier than with this particular person after which later have intercourse with them if you didn’t need to, consent is required each time. Like simply since you did it as soon as doesn’t imply that point is consensual. After which a whole lot of instances, Once I speak to children, they really feel pressured. A associate asks over and again and again, they usually find yourself agreeing or feeling like they needed to as a result of they had been requested over and again and again to do it. So then they do it as a result of they felt obligated to as a result of that particular person wouldn’t cease asking to do it.
Kate Setter
And what’s your recommendation to children who’re in that scenario with a associate who simply retains asking What would we are saying to them to assist them by way of that scenario?
Ashley Cremeans
It’s very troublesome as a result of like we’ve talked about, peer strain is very laborious. I imply, as a lot as I can, I might encourage you to proceed to make use of your voice. When we’re speaking to folks, what I encourage them to do is when we’ve got these conversations to arrange some type of system. Is there a code phrase, one thing you possibly can textual content? Like, I really feel unsafe on this scenario. Are you able to come get me? Like some type of security system that they will instantly name their guardian or textual content their guardian to get out to the place they know immediately that one thing’s not okay and I would like you to come get me now. In order that means they know one thing’s not proper and I would like picked up instantly. In order that means if they’re at a good friend’s home or a boyfriend’s home or a girlfriend’s home and one thing’s not okay, I would like to depart immediately.
Kate Setter
And I really feel like that’s one of many ways in which expertise truly helps us as a result of GPS permits us to know the place they’re and to get to them quick. And so whereas expertise has undoubtedly launched some complicating conditions, There are some actually good issues about it as properly.
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah.
Kate Setter
That’s nice recommendation. Thanks for that. So I need to transfer now to ask you about consent legal guidelines. And what are they? Do they differ by state? What do households and youngsters must learn about these legal guidelines and the best way they have an effect on them.
Ashley Cremeans
So, and since we’re within the tri-state space, it makes it good and difficult as a result of Indiana, Ohio, and Kentucky all have totally different age of consent legal guidelines. So it makes it good and messy that it can’t simply be clear. Ohio, their consent legal guidelines, nobody underneath the age of 12 can consent to intercourse with anybody. So that’s computerized. 13 to fifteen can consent to intercourse with anybody that’s 13 to 17. So there’s this four-year age window the place they will have consensual intercourse with anybody that very same age vary. After which 16 and older can consent to intercourse with anybody of any age. So that’s like an attention-grabbing caveat. So they will have intercourse with any particular person, any grownup. so long as they’re not particular person who’s like a caregiver or offering like a instructor, a coach, particular person of authority. So so long as they’re not in that energy authority function.
Kate Setter
In order that’s Ohio. In order that’s Ohio.
Ashley Cremeans
Sure.
Kate Setter
Okay.
Ashley Cremeans
Kentucky is slightly totally different. Nobody underneath the age of 15 can consent to intercourse. After which, so that’s no age, like there’s no age restrict there. So nobody 15 or youthful can consent to intercourse. 16 or 17 can consent to intercourse. After which theirs is slightly totally different. There’s like an age restrict, like they can’t, that’s like 10 or older, 10 years or older.
Kate Setter
Oh, than the particular person who’s consenting.
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah. So like if you’re 16, you can’t, it’s no one like 26 or older. Like, so there’s no like 10 yr age restrict for them?
Kate Setter
Okay. 10 yr age hole between the 2 folks.
Ashley Cremeans
Between the 2 folks, yeah.
Kate Setter
Fascinating, okay.
Ashley Cremeans
After which once more, similar factor, no caregiver, no authorized, all of, for similar, it’s just about the identical throughout. Like no particular person of energy or authority, they can’t have intercourse with anyone in that age with that like energy or authority rule. Then Indiana’s sort of related, 13 and youthful, can’t have intercourse with anyone. 14 and 15 can have intercourse with 14 to 17. After which 14 and 15, anyone 18 and older, is unlawful for them. After which 16 and older can have intercourse with anyone, 14 and older. It’s very difficult. So that is the place we run into points as a result of I’ll inform you, we see largely children in Ohio right here on the Mayerson Heart. Most of our interviews, the general public we see are from Ohio. And the place we run into probably the most difficult conditions are our 13 to fifteen yr olds who’ve relationships with people who find themselves older than 18 they usually didn’t notice it. So then that turns into against the law.
Kate Setter
Okay.
Ashley Cremeans
Or we see our children who’re like 13 that simply had like had simply turned 13 or like our 12s who didn’t notice like a 12 yr outdated who had intercourse with somebody who was slightly bit older than them, after which that particular person is a perpetrator now, like a 12 with a 14-year-old, and now that 14-year-old is taken into account a perpetrator of against the law. So you bought like your center schoolers who’re having intercourse, that now the 12-year-old is taken into account a sufferer as a result of they’re 12 as a result of they can’t consent, however a 14-year-old could be thought of a perpetrator of against the law.
Kate Setter
And so all of this looks like For this reason the conversations with mother and father are so essential, for fogeys to know who their children are in relationships with. Sure. And have the ability to understand how outdated they’re and what a few of these conditions are, as a result of that sounds prefer it will get difficult actually shortly.
Ashley Cremeans
It does, yeah. And it’s like, I feel the toughest half is a whole lot of instances children suppose that they, 12’s in all probability our hardest as a result of they don’t notice they will consent. to something. Like they’re the toughest ones to know as a result of they suppose they’ve each proper to, and as a guardian, you’re like, 12, no means would you ever have intercourse. However they arrive in and they’re like, oh yeah, completely. And so they don’t notice that they’re not sufficiently old to consent. And so they are available in weapons a-blazing, able to not need to speak to us. However their mother and father are livid as a result of they by no means needed this to occur to them they usually need them to completely proceed with a legal investigation. However this particular person’s their boyfriend, their girlfriend, and they’re so mad that their mother and father need them to have a legal investigation, however they love this particular person. That’s their 13, 14 yr outdated boyfriend. Like in our eyes, it’s not, they don’t suppose it’s against the law, however it’s as a result of they only didn’t perceive that it’s legal. It’s legal. So that’s why it’s so essential for us as mother and father to know what’s authorized, what’s not authorized, since you simply, these are fifth and sixth graders. You simply didn’t know, no one knew. that it was unlawful.
Kate Setter
And they’re children navigating very grown-up issues.
Ashley Cremeans
It’s, yeah.
Kate Setter
However thanks for operating by way of these. That’s difficult. It’s. And figuring out that there are in all probability children who’ve relationships with children in different states as properly, that simply, that will get difficult.
Ashley Cremeans
It does, yeah. So that’s why it’s laborious to, that’s very laborious to navigate. And it’s a whole lot of laborious conversations that we’ve got, like whereas we perceive that you simply didn’t notice this was unlawful, your guardian needs to guard you. And I feel that’s the toughest dialog that we should have with children. And even our like, our 13, our ones which are in that authorized age the place they will consent, like they don’t, a whole lot of instances mother and father get mad when the children are sufficiently old to consent they usually need to go after after they’re nonetheless in that authorized age. Like they didn’t notice that they had been each nonetheless sufficiently old to consent. they usually don’t need them to be having, I imply, most mother and father don’t need their center schoolers, their freshmen in highschool to be having sexual relations. So a whole lot of instances that’s once we nonetheless see mother and father eager to pursue legal fees even when they’re sufficiently old to consent to intercourse. So I feel that it’s nonetheless essential to know what these ages are so that you simply don’t get your self in bother as a result of I feel that’s the place issues get difficult. I feel the opposite one that’s the most laborious to navigate is when it turns into the 16, those which are older, like that 13, when that four-year window lapses, that will get laborious too.
Kate Setter
As a result of then you’re speaking adults and issues get difficult there too.
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah.
Kate Setter
Okay. Thanks for operating by way of all of that with us.
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah, it’s laborious to recollect and laborious to navigate generally.
Kate Setter
As we wrap up our dialog, if households had been to remove only a few key messages about consent from the dialog we’ve had immediately. What would you need them to recollect?
Ashley Cremeans
I feel the largest factor is to keep in mind that these conversations are troublesome at any age, particularly with youngsters, in all probability they’re the toughest to navigate. They’re awkward conversations to have, particularly with these teenagers, however they’re in all probability the most essential ones to have as a result of it’s those which are going to guard our children. It’s going to maintain them protected. So the objective is to have them in order that they will navigate actual life conditions they usually can do it with confidence. It’s greatest once we do these recurrently, having them all through their life on a regular basis as a lot as we will in order that we will preserve them protected and having the conversations in a whole lot of alternative ways. Once I speak to my children and after I inform mother and father to have these conversations, I encourage them to do them in low impression conversations. So whereas you’re driving to and from observe, when you’re driving to and from locations, as a result of you’re not nose to nose, these are awkward conversations to have. So attempting to do them entrance to entrance when you’re eye to eye, awkward. No one needs to try this. So do it within the automotive when you’re, it’s simply you and them, no one else within the automotive. You’re not, not a whole lot of strain, and you’ve got slightly little bit of privateness, in order that means you possibly can simply have slightly little bit of time to speak to them within the automotive, forwards and backwards to locations. Convey it up when you may have slightly little bit of time, although, in order that means if one thing does spark from that, you’ve bought a while to take a seat down and discuss it. Be okay with not figuring out all of the solutions, although. So in the event that they ask you a query you don’t know the reply to, that’s okay. I’m undecided. We will look that up collectively. We’ll determine it out collectively. Should you don’t know the solutions, that’s all proper.
Kate Setter
And do you may have any trusted assets or help that you simply significantly suppose is efficacious for households to know is on the market for them in the event that they want it?
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah, I imply, so Mayerson Heart, our web site has a whole lot of nice assets on wholesome boundaries. We will ship out assets about like what consent is when you want them. You may at all times attain out to us and we will ship them out to you. Loveisrespect.org is a good useful resource on the subject of assets on wholesome courting relationships. February is Teen Relationship Violence Consciousness Month, so there’s numerous assets in the neighborhood proper now all about teen courting violence throughout on-line proper now about that.
Kate Setter
I feel that was the whole lot I had ready for us immediately, Ashley. Any ultimate ideas?
Ashley Cremeans
I don’t suppose so. Like I mentioned, this dialog will not be about giving your children permission to have intercourse. It’s about giving them instruments to be protected and ensuring that they’ve respectful relationships and beginning the conversations to maintain them protected. So it’s nearly maintaining the dialog open and creating an excellent, wholesome dialogue in order that you guys can have an ideal, trustful relationship shifting on. So simply preserve the dialog and going.
Kate Setter
Incredible. Thanks a lot for becoming a member of us immediately. We’ve been speaking with Ashley Cremins, and we’re grateful for her time and for this dialog. Thanks for listening to the Younger and Wholesome Podcast. If you’re having fun with the present, ensure you comply with us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you like to hear. You may keep related and get the newest updates by following us on Instagram at Younger and Wholesome Pod. Should you discover this episode useful, share it together with your family and friends as a result of staying younger and wholesome is one thing we will all do collectively. We’ll see you subsequent time. This episode was recorded on February seventeenth, 2026. The data within the Younger and Wholesome Podcast is meant for informational and academic functions solely. This episode was produced by Kayla McNeal, and our theme music was created by Steven Grieco.
