Some leaders have the innate ability to inspire and connect. What is their secret? Dori Moreno, business advisor, life coach and conversation enabler, attributes this leadership success to a simple yet powerful skill: listening.
Dori Moreno shares three conversational shifts and leadership listening skills, including the power of active listening, that leaders must consider if they want to build stronger, more resilient relationships with their teams.
Shift 1: One-Way Conversations Don’t Work
Here is a very simple fact: when you listen, you learn. Active listening is an essential skill for productive conversations. When a conversation is a one-way street, with leaders doing all the talking, its sure to lead to a dead end.
But what does active listening mean, and how does it empower conversations? Listening is not the act of hearing words being spoken; it is the art of understanding the meaning behind those words. Listening to make employees feel heard, feel seen and feel understood is a learnable and practiceable skill that leaders must adopt. The first step is to give the person speaking your full attention. Let the person speaking say everything they have to say without interrupting or pointing out flaws in logic. Use phrases while they are speaking like “go on..”, “tell me more…”, and “what else…” to encourage them to say everything they want to say. Once they are done, take the proper time to reflect on what’s been said, and open the floor to the team before responding yourself.
The outcome: Trust will be built, common ground will be established, and all parties can engage in meaningful dialogue.
TIP: If you find that you spend 80% of the time in the meetings you’re leading talking and 20% listening, it’s vital to reverse this. Aim for 20% talking and 80% listening.
Shift 2: Conversations Are Not Competitions
To empower teams, leaders must understand that they don’t need to compete with them. This is a critical concept, but one that leaders who have strong personalities often forget. Nelson Mandela, one of the most respected leaders in history, once shared that one of the key lessons he learned from his father was the importance of being the last to speak.
Creating a space for people to speak means moving from ‘proving’ to ‘improving’ and allowing team members to take the mantle. Adding value is good, but it’s not something that always has to happen, and a successful conversation doesn’t always need your voice. Rather, start the conversation with phrases like “I would like to hear your views…” or “You must have some ideas; I’m intrigued to hear them…” and see where it takes you.
When someone does speak up, it’s important to recognise that. Thank them and acknowledge their contribution, and use it to fuel further conversation and understanding among the team before you simply jump in with a response.
The outcome: Leaders gain diverse points of view, employees will feel that their ideas and opinions matter, more informed decision-making takes place, and a culture of transparency and collaboration is created.
TIP: Silence, when used strategically, can be just as powerful as speaking. Become more inquisitive, pause and sit with what has been said for a few moments, don’t be impatient, and let go of the notion that conversations always need you to provide an outcome.
Shift 3: From Directing to Discovering
Being a great leader is about more than just making decisions. It’s about creating a space where people feel safe sharing ideas and collaborating to solve challenges. This means shifting from statements and directives to inquiries and questions.
By asking open-ended questions, you’re empowering your team to become active players in problem-solving and strategic thinking. This approach taps into their collective intelligence to leverage insights and ideas and give them a sense of ownership over solutions. Instead of just being told what the answer is, they become co-creators.
Instead of saying, “We need to launch this product by Q3,” try asking, “What challenges will we face in launching this product by Q3?” to initiate powerful conversations.
The outcome: A highly engaged team that proactively finds solutions through collective ownership.
TIP: Never start a conversation with a challenge; always start with a question that will make your team active participants instead of just ‘order takers’.
Aim For Continuous Progress
Developing the ability to empower open conversations is a learnt skill that forms part of a set of leadership capabilities that must be practised over and over again to be effective. Leaders are not perfect, but they can progressively adapt and grow with their teams.
It’s Not About You, It’s About Your Team
This shift towards more effective leadership conversations isn’t about making you a better leader in isolation; it’s fundamentally about empowering your team to be better. At the heart of this lies the need for profound self-awareness. You must ask yourself the tough questions: Are you genuinely listening or just waiting for your turn to speak? Do you interrupt or dominate discussions? Are you open to differing opinions?
By being aware of and owning your strengths and weaknesses, you can consciously adjust your approach and create space for authentic conversations that unleash the full potential of both you and your team.
